Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
