Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I want to make a zoo with you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize