so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to have your abortion
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
