Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
