Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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