You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
