Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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