I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
