mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
