shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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