Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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