So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
