I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
