How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
