Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
did i just pee glitter
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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