4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
