God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
