I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
