dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
