Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
