I CAN MOONWALK!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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