I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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