Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
