We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
