I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
