barbara walters just said penis...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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