Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
