I wish I could teleport
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
