He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
