The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
