I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
