So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
