1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
