Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
