the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
