Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
