I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
