i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
