I am in a vortex of obligation.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize