So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
