Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
