girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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