U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i now understand why vodka
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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