That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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