If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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