she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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