Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
