I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
