Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
