my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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