who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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