i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
