We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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