I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
