If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
