This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
