Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
