i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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