I'm lost and stupid without you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
