I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
