Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
