Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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