Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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