Can i not drive my cunt home
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
