when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
