i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
