i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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