My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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