Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
