Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
