i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
