i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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