my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
