I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
