As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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