i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
